Sole Survivor

I've decided that living in the country is dangerous to my health but I don't think I'd make a good "city" neighbor. I mean, I walk out in my panties, I complain if I see our neighbor, who is 5 acres away, burning fuel like it's FREE. I love it and could not live anywhere else but it's definitely not good for my health. The reason I say this is I find myself wanting to blow up every deer, armadillo and opossum that I see. That can't be healthy, the hate that I have for these creatures. I should be able to live with them in the country, right? I finally have figured out what plants the deer won't touch. I've finally, for the first time, started to have growth in my garden. Now that I have won the battle against the deer I have opossums eating my ferns and armadillos digging at the roots. I cannot win! However, that is much better than Devil's vegetable garden. It's been growing like a bunch of weeds and all of the plants were starting to bear fruit. One morning Devil walks out and the entire garden is gone! GONE, with the exception of one lonely tomato plant that has no leaves, just the stem remains. NOW he sees the problem I have had with the deer. They're pesky little fuckers! Unfortunately, while they were munching on his veggie buffet, they spotted my jasmine vine that was growing incredibly fast. However, they don't like jasmine. It's a bit too woody for them. I just wish they would have realized this before they ate the right side. 


So, maybe next month we will have garden fresh veggies.  

Ants in my Plants!

My garden has gotten off to a great start and things are actually blooming this year. Amaaaaazing! Truly amazing! I'm so excited I've been admiring them every morning before I jump in the shower. I worry that it's just a teaser before they die. lol. 

Anyway, my crossvine is growing like crazy but Army Ants have moved in. They're covering part of the plant and the blooms are starting to wilt and die. Now, since this is the first year it's actually bloomed for me, I'm not sure if that's natural for them to do that or if it's because of the ants. 

My question is for all of the gardeners who have become my personal consultants. :) If I sprinkle 7-dust on the vine will that kill the plant or just attack the ants?

Banana Tree

Since the post regarding my "green thumb", I've had some requests for pictures of the banana tree. When I wrote that one I had yet to see any life in the banana tree because I cut it to the ground, as instructed. The trunk actually appeared to be rotting but I guess when I flooded it, like it was in a rain forest, it did something to wake it up because it's growing at a lightening speed. I haven't measured it day by day but I am positive it's adding 1-2 inches a day. It's insane!  

Since I'm proudly showing my green thumb off, I'm going to go ahead and brag about my cross vine. This one I planted last year and I was lucky if it had one bloom on it, at a time, and it seemed a bit dormant. This year it's growing like a weed and it's full of blooms!! WOOT! That's my vision working, baby. Yeah, baby! I did that too. lol. 

In case you can't see the hundreds (maybe that's an exaggeration but if I wasn't showing you a picture, I'd definitely use that term to brag. lol) of blooms, here's one that's a close up view..

Look, there are more blooms in waiting. WOOT! Vision, baby! 

My Thumb is GREEN!

I have proof that my "vision" for this year has produced a green thumb in me! I have recently come to realize that  my lack of vision could be, and most likely is, the reason for my serial plant kills. But, this year I have VISION!

I love Plumbago's but the deer love them even more than that because they eat them as quickly as I plant them. So, I finally had a good idea and planted one in a huge pot and it worked until one day I walked out and the plant was, well dead. Let me recap- one day it was alive, the very next day it was dead. That's really how it happened. So, I had one of my consulting gardeners take a look at it and she was also baffled. I cut it to the ground and the other day I noticed it's sporting bright green leaves. WOOT!

Here's a picture for proof:

Now, if I could just bring my Banana Tree back from the dead, I would be very happy. I cut it to the ground, as instructed, and was told that it would come back 10 times as strong..well, the fucker looks pretty fucking dead to me. I flooded it with water last week because they love water and they thrive in the rain forest. That seemed like a good idea, right? Well, maybe not so smart because the next day the base was shredded like it was rotten and falling apart. I think there's a reason they're not so native here. lol. 

2011 Garden Ideas

So, you know how I have been trying to have a garden for over four years now? I've decided to stop planting sun loving plants in the shade, which is where my garden is. I've also realized that trying to plant something that I find beautiful isn't a good idea either because those are what the deer find to be deliciously tasteful. I've also come up with a MASTER plan, which, if you ask me, is the best plan of all plans! Okay, here it goes. I'm going to have potted plants all over our patio that will house the flowers that the deer like to eat. I will then have Cowboy Bubba sitting on the deck with a rifle. In my north side garden I'm going to have a Cross Vine (that has already been planted), a shrub of some sort and then I'm going to add a truck load of ferns. They love shade, deer hate them and they don't die, even when I try to kill them. That's a damn good sign for me and my garden. Over in front of the pump house I'm going to plant moon flower vines that Randy (the windmill maker) sent to me. This area has an hour of morning sun and then a couple hours of late afternoon sun. 


Here's what I would like from you...what do you have in your garden that you think mine is lacking? I will have an awesome garden by the fall, damn it, if it's the last thing I do! I've resorted to reading a text book on gardening, that's how much I really want a garden. So, please post your ideas...please!

2011 Resolutions

I've been lax on blogging this year and it's been over two weeks since I've given you all a real blog post. TWO WEEKS! So, since I told you how much fun it is to make up resolutions I figured I should at list make a fucking list! Here's what I have:

1. Not enough time in the day. This is obviously a problem because I never have time to do everything that I have to do. So, I'm going to figure out how to expand the day as you know it. I mean, 24 hours, really? Who can get everything done in that amount of time? The answer is no one!

2. Daylight Savings Time. Stupid! I'm going to write whoever it is that is in charge of this. First, I need to find out who that is and if it is just one person or an entire section of gov't. Personally, I think they have better things to do than to keep us on fucking Daylight Savings. I mean, really. I understand why the farmers/ranchers needed it, once upon a time but are we still in that time? NO! The answer is no!

3. Gardening is going to become a reality. You knew that was going to be on the list and I probably don't need to explain myself but then what fun would that be? I really want a garden! I try each year and each year my plants die. I think I've realized the error of my ways. So, here it is. My garden is on the north side of the house. Stupid, I know, but how did I know that it would effect my plants as much as it has. I want bright, bold blooming plants and the only thing that will grow in the shade are boring fucking green bushy plants. This year, I'm going to give in and plant those fuckers and expect an awesome garden. Here's the better plan though. I'm going to have containers all over the deck and the other side of the house that are going to have the plants I really want. That is going to be a success. I no longer plan to kill plants. Wish me luck!

4. Remember that I have a thigh master. lol. That in itself, explains this one.

5. I'm going to blog about everything! Just kidding. But I'm going to try to find more time to blog, which means I'm going to have to definitely master my #1 resolution.

6. I need to convince Devil that I don't have enough socks or panties and I need more. I'm not a shopper so if I were to tell him that I need more shoes or clothes, he wouldn't even blink. BUT socks and panties, well, he'd go to my closet and pull out my drawers of panties and baskets of socks. What can I say to that? "Um, well, um, I really need new ones though. Those are so yesterday, dude!" ... any suggestions? This really should be my number 1 resolution and it's going to be, by far, the toughest one to complete.

I think that should keep me busy for the year, what do you think? I'd love to read your resolutions, if you have  any?

Member Stopped By...

I have been very lucky to have some great guys join my site over the years. I've been even luckier that some have emailed me and we've struck up a friendship. One of my guys, Cowboy Bubba, was so sweet to plant Caladiums and Elephant ears in a pot, from bulbs, for my birthday. Even sweeter than that was when he delivered them to my house. So, I the plant needed to be moved into a bigger pot. I thought, hmm, easy enough. I pick out the biggest pot I could find and place it on the deck, next to our front door. Perfect to showcase my gift, right? Getting it out of the fucking pot was anything but easy! The fucker wouldn't budge! I tried to loosen up the dirt with a small shovel, that didn't work. I gently tapped the ceramic pot on the deck, from side to side, that didn't work. I turned it upside down and furiously wiggled the shit out of it. After a good 10-15 minutes I was baffled, sweating and a little irritated that I can't even transplant a fucking plant without issues! So, after a minute of thought, I go and grab the sharp shooter and with my foot I shoved it down into the soil, when it wouldn't go further, I jumped on it! You would have thought it would have popped right out but it didn't! I had to do this three more times!!! OMG, I was getting very irked! But, after that, it did pop out, kind of. So, I was immediately ecstatic. There for a minute I thought I was going to have to deliver it back to Bubba and ask him to fix it, or something. So, it's in my new pot and I just need to have filler dirt now so I use the dirt from the original pot and to my dismay, it's all roots! There has to be thousands of them! HOLY HELL! I've never seen so many roots like that. Bubba says it'll be okay but he might just be telling me that so I don't feel bad, just yet. LOL.

I'll post a picture later to show you how it's doing. The Caladiums are not looking to well but the Elephant ears are looking great!

Bubba, thank you for such a thoughtful gift and for all of your gardening assistance. Somehow, this plant will be the only survivor of my garden, I promise! Hell, with you and SxyMomma as my gardeners, how could I not have at least one plant survive my black thumb?